By our Non-presstitute Reporter.
XYanad, 29th Feb 2015.
In a surprising first-of-its-kind-incident, a few members of the public have finally understood some realities that doctors grapple with in day-to-day practice, and have started speaking openly against government apathy in providing adequate healthcare facilities in their area.
“In recent years, those bloody cheats have been trying to make us believe that Doctors are the root cause of all social evils”, said Mr. Paavam Praani, an elderly tribal leader from the area. “But we have always known that in the nearby health center, one single doctor is doing the work of seven. Who will want to work here anyway? The government pays them peanuts and gives no security. Last week, a critically ill pregnant woman was referred by the lone doctor working in our local hospital, which has just the least rudimentary facilities, to any nearest center with better facilities. That doctor had correctly identified the patient to be in an emergency and actually saved the patient some valuable time by referring her promptly. We took our lady from one government center to the next higher one, but found them all to be equally hopelessly unequipped or understaffed. What could the poor doctors do with their bare hands? Eventually our patient delivered not one, but three babies during the journeys itself, with tragic consequences. Our people had to vent the fury on someone, so we went back and protested against our own doctor. She was the softest, most easily accessible target. The media happily proceeded with the job it does well- reckless maligning with no idea about the real facts.”
“But what we did turned out to be totally reckless and foolish. You see, within minutes, political parties joined us in the protest. The media, too, appeared from nowhere. The mob got our only doctor suspended within minutes and argued among themselves as to who has the right to claim credit for ‘punishing’ the doctor in record time”.
“The political then workers took us along with them to ransack the doctor’s accommodation, but we didn’t find much to ransack. There was an old rickety fan, a rusted metal cot, a study table with huge, old, soiled medical books, a jug of smelly brown water, a small photo of her two small kids whom she had left behind in her native place to serve here, a leaking ceiling, and a stinking toilet. We hesitated to do any more damage, but anyway, the political social workers broke the glass on the windows, the small mirror and the only tube light in the room. She had already left to a safer place, or else she would not have been alive now.”
Political workers from the ruling and opposition parties, as well as the smaller opportunistic fry, have assured us maximum media coverage of our sorry plight, especially when one of their senior leaders will come to assess the situation. It was a rare scene indeed, seeing all political workers agreeing on a point. In the end, they told us to keep in mind, for the future, that they had stood by us in our hour of need and despair.”
“Later in the day, when those clowns and their media hounds disappeared into the 5-star resorts (where liqour is not yet banned), we tribals had a meeting among ourselves. We wondered what these political parties had done for us in the last four decades that we had put them in power. We realised that it is THEM who are denying facilities to us- so that they can milk our “deprived tribals” status with more promises in every election. It is THEM who have kept our health centers low in number, understaffed, undertrained and unequipped. Its THEM who purposefully keep the government facilities in poor condition, so that the large private hospitals can profit. It is THEM who got our ONLY doctor removed from work, leaving us with no one to serve us willingly now. We realised that the doctor could anyway do almost nothing with what is available here”.
“Just look at the poor doctor’s duty room- it’s inside is worse than many of our own huts! We feel ashamed at what we did to our doctor. After all, we do feel guilt if we do something foolish, wrong, or evil; we are humans, not politicians! We are much more cultured”, pleaded Mr. Praani.
In the meantime, the dynastic scion of a prominent political party flew down from Delhi and met elderly tribals, trying to get to know their concerns. The meeting was held in a 7-star luxury resort. The scion, however, preferred to have simple dal-chawal in one of the tribal homes for lunch, as the hosts looked on. The party workers had ensured that the resort would deliver parcels of dal-chawal for the purpose.
Speaking to mediapersons, the perenially budding leader remarked, “I empathise fully with the poor people here. I feel a part of them. I feel their pain. In fact, the family I had lunch with even has a toddler whose nickname is Pappu. I was pleasantly surprised to find them to be worshipers of Goddess Kali. Her idol had swords in her hands and she looked pretty pissed off. The ultimate symbol of woman empowerment. Even better than Angeline Jolie in Tomb Raider. Since women’s empowerment is already so terribly advanced here, half my life’s mission here is already done. With food of such quality freely available to them (slurp), these tribals are pretty much in luxury, I say, apart from pathetic healthcare facilities. The government is responsible for the filthy healthcare scenario and should be taken to task. Those responsible are enemies of the state and should be punished without mercy…”
However, before getting carried off any more, the leader was cut off mid-speech by a worker who whispered into his left ear that his own party had ruled the state for decades.
An intelligent political worker, however, sounded worried. “The public’s defending sincere Government doctors reeks of sanity developing among the public. It’s not a good sign for us in politics. Damn! Literacy seems to be making these morons intelligent! They have realised whom to sympathise with. Who is silently working for them, and who is really fooling them. They are now even thankful to the doctors serving them! Whom will we blame now? It is difficult for us to milk those fools for votes under the guise of being with them against doctors now. The “attack the bloody doctor” option seems to be closing. These aren’t Achche Din for us at all!” He screamed in hopelessness, as he saw his clueless leader sneak out of the ‘unhygenic’ place with the escape velocity of Jupiter.
Disclaimer: This is SATIRE. Kindly do not confuse this with real news, though we all sincerely hope this had really happened. All resemblances co-incidental.